In the Last issue I discussed some of the tidbits in the enormously popular and hard to get your hands on (if you use the library) book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey. Harvey is the host of the widely syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show.
The book is now overdue and there are a gazillion more holds on it. It is kind of fascinating that when we get involved with someone of the opposite sex we often assume, despite all evidence to the contrary and our own better judgment, that they will behave just like we do.
All we have to do, however, is “google” the differences between men and women to see that in terms of thinking, problem solving, responding, memory, sensitivity, sex, speaking, communicating, deciding and on and on and on down to differences even in eye contact we are quite different—this is the research stuff, in fact, of Ph.D’s. It is truly amazing that we get along as well as we do.
Here are some more pointers from Steve Harvey for women…but men should pay attention.
Men like women who smile, who take care of themselves and who appreciate what they do for them versus women who criticize or are sour. Well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that positive energy attracts and most people enjoy hanging out with positive people. I certainly often hear from male clients, not so much the old line that their spouse didn’t understand them, but rather didn’t appreciate them.
How do you know if he is into you? Well, he will pay for you. (Does seem like a good touch and women appreciate it.) He will introduce you to his friends and family and anyone who is important to him. Common sense that if you aren’t meeting anyone in his life, there might be a reason. He abides by your rules and standards. And that means taking no for an answer. In other words, you feel cherished and respected.
Men may not like this one, but he definitely recommends at least 90 days before you sleep with him. That is the time you should be getting to know him and sizing him up as future partner material.
What kind of man should you be looking for? Since men are problem solvers by nature, does he extend himself to solve problems you may have? Does he try to make you feel better? I know I tell all my women clients that you better not be looking for a prince, but you do certainly want someone who would slay all your dragons if he could.
How does he react to pressure? Because of course there will be pressure and tough times. Maybe you should see how he deals with the tangle of holiday lights?
How does he react when you are sad? Does he try to comfort you? One of my clients told me about a boyfriend who didn’t offer any help out when she was laid up for a month. Did I say former boyfriend?
So basically separate the men from the boys, right?
Here are some other interesting thoughts. Mr. Harvey says as soon as you are getting to like someone they should meet the kids ASAP. Maybe even sooner than I had advised clients but makes good sense. Seeing how you are with your children and how they are with your children…well, that could be a deal breaker or a blessing.
And here is a last piece of advice. Given that men want to protect and provide for us (see last issue), modern women might cause a problem for men. Many women don’t need financial support and many have been hanging out at Home Depot -- they can do home projects themselves. According to Mr. Harvey, men already know that women will make the key decisions in the house but obviously everyone wants to feel needed. Interestingly his advice is the same as that of a famous matchmaker who gets the big bucks who I saw on Oprah. Let him take out the trash, let him move the TV to wherever you want it moved to, and by goddess stand by that car door until he opens it for you. That’s the Act Like a Lady part, along with not sleeping with him too soon, according to Harvey. And be appreciative. That’s just good manners.
Steve Harvey also suggests that unless sex is foremost on your mind, cooking is not a bad idea. Of course I have several friends who have and had neither on their minds and have had long and happy marriages.
So the conclusion can be take everything you read with a grain of salt , don’t, in fact, believe everything you read, there are exceptions to every rule and I can think of most of them….BUT….
Women’s lib doesn’t ever mean that we will be the same even if we wear his tee-shirts and it doesn’t hurt to have common sense. Information is power, as you know.
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