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Lanie's Articles  |   Essays From M.H Borden

Letter to the Editor

To the Editor,
With over forty percent of the adult population single, it is commendable that The Rebublican offers an array of articles about dating. However, as the owner of a local dating service, I caution readers, particularly those involved in the “dating scene,” to pay attention and learn to sift through the often confusing, sometimes contradictory or misleading advice.

The latest piece from the Newhouse News Service, quoting research of singles “experts” like Bushnell of Sex and the City, refers to some women at midlife looking for “physical attraction” and to be “swept off their feet,” or they won’t begin a relationship.

While I certainly agree that being single is a viable option for women who no longer need marriage for financial stability or societal validity, I disagree that being “swept off one’s feet” should be a requirement for a healthy, long-tern, sustainable relationship. With loneliness at the root of much pathology, this Hollywood-sounding requirement for romance belies the maturity and wisdom that many of these women at midlife have gained. Surely there were wiser people to quote.

I’ll stick with profound thinker and writer Joan Didion, recent winner of the National Book Award, who, reflecting on her happy marriage said: “Marriage is a decision, not a matter of luck or fate. We had each made a decision to be totally part of the other’s life…If you want to be attracted to someone you will be. Romantic love is different from marriage. Romantic love goes away. Gone. Romantic love isn’t interesting because it has a sameness, unlike marriage which is a determination and it grows, rather than going away. It takes two people who are willing to put in the time.”

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